Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned...
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a
worm first into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It
writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doo
There were three astronauts, a Russian, an American, and a Not-So-Bright American.
The Russian says we were the first in space. The American says we were the first on the Moon. The Not-So-Bright American says I will be the first to land on the sun.
The other two look at her and say, "The sun! Wont you burn up?"
She says, "Well duh! We are going to land on it at night."
A science teacher walked by Taipei 101 and saw a man on top of the building ready to jump.
He quickly shouted out "Don't do it!! You have so much potential!!"
An Australian Professor was conducting a research on crocodiles along the Sepik River and was escorted by a villager who knew a lot about the river and crocodiles. Paddling up the river, the Professor asked the village escort, "do you know how to read?" asked the Professor. The Villager replied, "nogat eh". The professor then said, "well, then you are already dead because you know nothing". The villager was so upset that he paddled the canoe without saying a word.
A little up the river,
A Mitochondrion walks into a bar and asks for some energy.
The barman says: "That'll be 80p!"
Q: What do you call it when an astronaut gets sick after eating?
A: Launching his lunch!
An interesting exchange between two geniuses, Einstein said to Chaplin:
“What I most admire about your art…
You don’t say a word, and the rest of the world understands you.”
"It is true", answered Chaplin, "but your glory is even greater. The whole world admires you, even though they don’t understand a word of what you say!"
Two men (a Russian and an American) were talking about their countries' accomplishments.
The Russian says, "We were the first to go into Space."
The American replies, "Well, we were the first to land on the moon."
Sick of their arrogance, another man comes over and says, "Oh yeah! Well, I'm gonna be the first one on the Sun!"
The Russian and American both laugh saying, "You can't go to the Sun. It's too hot. You'll burn up"
The man confidently replies,
A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting to go in the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in.
No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under State law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released. Then the biologist was brought forward. "Do you have anything you want t
According to Albert Einstein there is nothing faster than the speed of light.
But he is wrong... you can make something much more faster than light:
1. First take torch or a flash light.
2. Now take a video camera and record it.
3. Now put the video you have recorded in to your video player.
4. FAST FORWARD THE VIDEO.
Whenever I go to a restaurant, I always order is "dihydrogen monoxide on the rocks with a clear siphoning tube inside a glass".
The waiters/waitresses always ask me what drink is that?
I tell them that's the scientific name of a glass of ice water with a straw.
If you could drive the speed of light, would your head lights still work?l?!
Two planets are talking...
Saturn: I bet I get married before you do.
Saturn: Because I already have a ring.
Have you heard about the pharmaceutical company that developed a new drug which, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent?
The FDA refused to license it, though. Seems it was habit-forming.
Dr. Boudreaux was performing a science experiment on a common insect, the flea. He proceeded to carefully remove one leg from the flea on which he was working. Then he shouted, "Jump!", and the flea jumped. He recorded his findings as such, "flea can jump with one leg removed."
Then he carefully removed a second leg and said, "Jump!" Again the flea jumped with no problem and he recorded the findings. He continued the experiment one leg at a time until all the legs had been removed. Th
- No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
- If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal.
- If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
- Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
- If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence just as soon as you touch pen to paper.
- Only passengers seated in wind
Why did the germ cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.
"I read somewhere that they're going to launch some weasels up in a rocket."
"So where are they headed?"
"Otter space, of course!"
One day the esophagus asked the saliva what its name was.
"I'm too embarrassed to say," said the saliva.
"Come on," said the esophagus.
"Fine. My name's Amy, Amylase."
What compound is made by 2 urea proteins found in urine?
Why was Mickey Mouse in space?
Why else, he was looking for Pluto.
Just because a frog is green, does that mean its Irish?
That is correct. Because when you look at it when its a baby, it looks a tad-polish!
Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:
*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.
*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.
*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a chocolate Ding Dong.
*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.
*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.
A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773."
A not so bright student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."
A scientist wanted to understand the science of marriage.
So he got married.
Now he forgot what science is all about.
I'm beginning to think that package instructions are only meant to be read by scientist.
The print is so small you need an electron microscope to read it and who has one of those...
Scientist of course!
The brain is a wonderful organ...
It starts working the day you are born, and stops the day you fall in love...
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
The recent volcano eruptions in Kilauea and Volcan de Fuego prompted representatives all over the globe to have an Earthquake Summit.
When San Adreas arrived everyone point fingers and said, "It's your fault!"
"I'll have an H2O," says the first.
"I'll have an H2O too," says the second.
The second man dies.
Guy #1: "Do you know the chemical formula for Sodium Bromide?
Guy #2: "NaBro."