A kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page illustrating several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, “What flag is this?” Little Sue called out, “That’s the flag of our country.” “Very good,” the teacher said. “And what’s the name of our country?” Little Sue answered, “Tis of thee.”
On the first day of school, Peter handed his new teacher a note from his mother. The teacher unsealed the note, read it, looked at Peter with a frown, and placed the note inside a desk drawer. “So what did she write?” Peter asked. “It’s a disclaimer.”
“A what?” “It says, ‘ The opinions expressed by Peter are not necessarily those of his mother or father,’”
A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside at a nudist colony. The history professor asked: “Have you read Marx? The psychology professor replied: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”
Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question, can go home."
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: "Who just threw that?"
Boy: "Me, and now I’m going home."
Two Hillbillies meet after an English exam:
Ey' how was the paper?
Oh it was just great, but I forgot the past tense of "THINK". I thought and thought for a long time, finally I just wrote "THUNK"
Ha ha ha, you are very silly, I thought about that for a while but I know the answer is "Thonk"
And what about the past tense of "Write"
Mmmm, I don't remember what i wrote on that one, I think I wrote "Written"
Well, let's hope you are right, I did no
The Professor was teaching his students, and asked them "What's the difference between complete and finished"?
The students all look amazed, with no answers
Well says the Professor "if you marry the right person, your life is complete"
However if you marry the wrong person, you life is finished
BUT if you sleep with the wrong person and the right person finds out?
You are completely finished!
There was a kid who wouldn't learn the letters of the alphabet, so his teacher said 'go home, and learn the letters!' He went home and asked his sister
"What's the first letter?"
She said "Shut up!"
Then he asked "what's the second letter?"
She was singing along with the radio, so she said "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
Then he went to see his dad, who was watching football, and said "What's the third letter?"
His dad said "Go! Go! Go!"
"What's the fourth letter?"
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is a stupid student (pointing at student).
Narrator: The student got detention for say "Which end?"
A fifth grader class was on an educational field trip. As they rode along in the school bus, the teacher noticed that one boy was lying facedown in the aisle of the bus with his hands over his eyes.
“Why are you lying in the aisle like that?”
“Well,” said the boy, “if you don’t see anything, you don’t have to write anything.”
How are you getting on with your exams?”
“Not bad. The questions are easy enough – it’s the answers I have trouble with!”
TEACHER: Give me the opposite of this sentence…. “CHILDREN IN THE DARK MAKES MISTAKES.”
TASYA: Mistakes in the dark can make children!
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E.
One boy says: “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T.
The same boys says: “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with M.
The boy shouts from the other side of the door: “Maybe an elephant!”
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.
On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler.
Emailing professors be like:
-Sent from my iPhone
Teacher: "Which is the best month to study?"
Teacher: "Don't be silly. There's no month like that."
Teacher: You are suppose to come at 7am!
Student: What?! What happened on 7am? What did I miss?
Little Johnny's dad drove Johnny to boarding school and leaves him there. For the following week however, Johnny misses school.
When Johnny returned to school the next week the teacher asks Johnny why he had missed class for a week. Johnny replied that his dad passed away and he had to attend to his funeral.
The following week, Johnny's dad comes to visit Johnny at school and was directed to Johnny's classroom. While at the door, Johnny's dad knocks and says “Excuse me s
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher.
New way of writing answers in exams
If you don’t know the answer, then put lines like this:
and write below: “Scratch here for ANSWERS”.
It was the toughest experience of my life.
First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.
These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.
Realizing that perhaps I might do better wi
After having failed his exam in Logistics and Organization, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student, “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor, “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student, “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me
A student decides he wants to skip school one day
Student (on phone): Hello. I am calling to inform the school that my son will not be able to attend school today.
School: And who is this?
Student: This is my mom!
On a Chemistry exam at Midpark High School in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, one question concerned how to clean the floor after a chemical-powder spill.
In detail, I described the liquid I would combine with the powder in order to dissolve it with chemical bonding and electron transfer. I was pleased with my grasp of molecular structure until the exams were handed back. L
Our teacher asked another student to read her answer. She suggested a broom and a dustpan to sweep up the spil