A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind a
An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
“What kind of salesman are you?” the boss scolded. “Get out there and sell him a boat.”
The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied "It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers. He laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, "That's a very innovative approach" and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth. "Yuck, this tastes terrible
One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object. "What is that?" Mikey asked.
"It's a thermos," the salesman replied.
"What does it do?" asked Mikey.
"This baby," the salesman said, "keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at
I sell ammunition. My motto is, "ALWAYS leave them wanting more!"
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier ask him if he wants a bag.
He replies, "No, she's not that ugly."
To get a massive and immediate attention from a buyer, the Vacuum Cleaner salesman opens a bag of horse manure and spreads it all over the carpet.
Then he says to the possible buyer with confidence, "Mrs. if this vacuum cleaner can't clean all that manure I will eat the rest!"
The lady asks, "Do you want ketchup with that?"
Why the salesman ask?
"Because we just moved in and we don't have electricity yet!"
A tired traveler decided to find a hotel for the night. He stumbled to the front desk and said to the clerk, “Pardon me, I’m exhausted, I’ve been driving for fourteen hours, I’m hungry, and I have a headache. Can you just tell me what room I’m in?”
“Certainly, sir,” the helpful clerk replied. “You are in the lobby.”
"This house," said the real estate salesperson, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."
"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."
A novelty store owner called a recent customer. "Mr. Jones? This is Mr. Peters, the owner of Peter's Novelties. Remember that boomerang you bought the other day? You paid for your purchase with a check, and unfortunately the check came back."
"You're lucky," replied the customer. "My boomerang didn't."
A man walked into a game and toy store looking for a challenging board puzzle so he asked the clerk for just such a puzzle. The clerk replied, "Well sir, it depends on what you consider to be challenging?"
The man replied, "What do you mean it depends on me, I didn't make the puzzle so how am I supposed to know if it's challenging? Don't you know your products young man?"
The clerk replied, "Well sir, it tells you on the box how complex the puzzle is. Lets see here.
Don’t get upset if I ask you where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.
Myra was going to the office party but needed a new party dress.
In the clothing store she asked, "May I try on that dress in the window, please?"
"Certainly not, madam,'" responded the salesgirl. "You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else."
Why did the shoe salesman dance all day?
He had a lot of sole.
Used car salesperson to customer: How would you like to buy a car with zero down and zero per month?
Customer: (slight pause) For how many months?
A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes that are clearly undersized for him. The salesman says, "But, sir, I can see from up here that you'll need much bigger shoes than that."
The guy says, "That's OK, please bring me the smaller ones."
The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain. The salesman just has to ask, "Sir, why must you have these undersized shoes?"
A saleswoman is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
"Don't you have a phone in your car?"
"That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
"Uh... how's that working?"
"Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
"And why do you think that is?"
"I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, “This is for washing our hair.”
A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
An old man walked into a car showroom and found the car he wanted to buy. He requested that the salesman not sell the particular model till the next day, since he wanted to buy it on his birthday.
The salesman gave his word. The next day the old man visited the showroom only to find the car being sold to a young lady. The young lady looked really gorgeous. The old man asked the salesman, "I told you to keep this car on hold. Not only didn't you keep your word, you also sold it.