"Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor.
Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor a $20 bill.
The vendor takes the money and begins helping the next customer.
The Buddhist looks puzzled and asks the vendor, "Where is my change?"
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Q: Did you hear about the fire in the bakery?
A: It burned 20 cakes and 30 loaves of bread, and there were plenty of hot cross buns!
Q: Why were the Cocoa Puffs so afraid of their owner?
A: They heard that he was a cereal killer.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one cannibal looks the other one and says...
"Does this meat taste funny to you?"
Where do poor meatballs live?
In the spaghetto.
My friend was adamant that onions are the only food that can make people cry. So to prove him wrong I smashed a coconut in his face!
God's favourite spreadable condiment; typically manufactured by pixies in the magical Land of Yum.
Wife: I hate that beggar.
Wife: That rascal, yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a Cookbook!
Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you are eveready I am frito-lay.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
An angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza:
Customer: Yo, I ordered a Pizza and it came with no toppings on it or anything, Its just plain bread!
Domino’s: We’re extremely sorry to hear about this.
Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down!
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is ... an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flats tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up."
Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when my friends came over for supper.
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.
New salad recipe: prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. This led to the neighbors wondering whey why I was rolling around in the garden.
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When
I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out another new recipe on. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to do a Chocolate Moose.
You are a lousy cook if...
Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.
Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.
Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.
Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.
Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.
You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.
Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.
Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.
No matter what you do to it the gravy still turns bright purple.
We received the report today that it is no longer necessary to stake tomatoes. Just dissolve a Viagra tablet in the water and they stand up strait and tall!
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What on earth did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."
Here about the kid who at 5 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting?
They say he later had a massive 'vowel' movement.
"What's the worst part about eating your vegetables?"
Putting them back in their wheelchairs when you're all done.
Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There is no Menu - you get what you deserve!
A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special of the day?"
"Chili," she says, "but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl."
The man says he'll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it. As he waited, he noticed the man next to him was eating a full lunch and the bowl of chili remained uneaten.
"Are you going to eat your chili?" he asked.
"No, help yourself," replied his neighbor.
The man picked up a spoon and eagerly began devouring the chili. When he got halfway through the bowl, he noticed the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. Sickened, he puked the chili he had just eaten back into the bowl.
The man sitting next to him says, "Yeah, that's as far as I got, too."
What do you call stinky noodles?